Walking and what it meant to me....
Walking is something i can't do. I'm stuck in a wheelchair. I feel like a big part of my life has been taken away from me. Damn this stroke. Something i used to take for granted is missing from my life and i really want to walk again. I would walk for miles; i used to be so active. Now i'm just a shadow of what i was. Things really can't get much worse than this. The wheelchair is electric and means i can move about a bit. It's no subtitute for walking though. There are so many people whu cao walk and don't realise how lucky they are. They really don't.
What else can they do to me to make my life worse than it is? I have one hand that works (which is how i'm able to type this) and somwhere, someone is worse off than me. It's hard to believe. They must be going through hell if they are. I've thought about dying and how much relief that would mean to me. Then i've thought "no!" I can do this. I can live with the pain. Not being able to walk is only an inconvenience when you look at the bigger picture. I should be ashamed at myself for even bringing it up.
You look at the positives and you think well i can see, hear and think. Things could be a lot worse than they are. Oh the positives really keep you going to when you need some reassurance to hang on to. And i do. I mean, i will never walk agaln. Can many people say that and let their thought processes say it's ok? I can remember being able to walk. It felt good. Maybe i should just accept the consequenes and get on with my life?
You don't realise how much you miss something until it's gone. You skake your head in reignation and think why me? That's all you can do. You think "i can walk this corridoor" the grim realisation is that you can't. But there are people worse off. That's ok then.