Today is my birthday

Waking up like Charlie Drake

There were two books that i started to read today. They were so crap that i didn’t bother with them. So i looked online for inspiration. “Fuck it” i thought “i can do better than this” i’m just bored of looking at the four walls of my room and not knowing what lies ahead. Every disabled person must feel like that. Even if you’re able-bodied you wonder what’s around the next corner. What is life going to throw at me? I always seem to manage but i wonder if i can’t.

Being disabled these last six years has been an uphill battle of going to hospital after hospital. I’m amazed at myself for getting through it all and just putting it down to experience. I never thought this would happen to me but in the history of life there have been people who have put up with far worse than i have and they don’t moan about it. Besides, you should think how lucky you are to be alive. Except i don’t. A part of me wants to cry about it, while the rest of me just wants to be able to walk.

Disability has made me see things differently. I feel like Scrooge. Please send me back. There are things i need to do first. I go to bed really early and get up really late. That’s doesn’t happen very often.
I’m in the middle of a dream and that doesn’t happen very often either. I wake up and suddenly it hits me - i’m disabled and this is how it is. I started out as Sean Connery but finished as Charlie Drake and waking up is so disappointing, like it normally is.

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Hi Julia

Hi Julia, unfortunately i’ve been ‘anonomized’ by google as part of their “spring clean”. I haven’t ignored you on purpose. You can read all about the pring clean they’re doing by reading all about it on blogger buzz. I’ve had worse setbacks than this.

Being disabled

I’ve had 52 years as a ‘normal’ person and 6 as someone who is disabled. Being like this has taught me so much about life. For instance, i used to take everything for granted. Now, i don’t. I read books and only.drink water. I don’t smoke because i can’t. There are lots of ways my life has changed now. but i don’t see myself as a social pariah. Just the opposite. I keep asking Shaun Alan Naylor to get me some cocaine from his dealer. Apparently he doesn’t do drugs even though he walks like he does. He tells me he isn’t gay too. He just does a good impression of someone who is. I have changed my name to Shaun Alan taylor because i know it winds him up to for me to be called that.

Old aged blogger

At the residential home i live at there are 17 people who live here.
in some ways i’m lucky in that i there wasn’t disabled until later in life.
Everybody here has a brain injury. I like to think i’m the most sane though.
This is a small section of society that if you multiply by a thousand times you’d begin to see how diverse disability is.
19% of the population of Britain is actually disabled.

I’m the type of disabled person who needs to be looked after.
it doesn’t matter how many books i read and that i write a blog.
i will be like this until i die.

What can possibly go wrong?

I think i have munchenhausen’s syndrome.it certainly feels like it to me. I spent some time reading up about it. I have a serious brain injury and even though a situation seems real it is not, I can say, for once in my life, that i’m glad to be a nut job. I’m sorry if you were misled in any way. I can assure you that that wasn’t the intention. I blame it on the brain injury i have.

The nightmare that i liken my life to carries on. I think it will be derailed at some point.
i had something important to say to the guy who was helping me and he said ‘eh?’ I repeated myself and he still said ‘eh?’ so i raised my voice and he said ‘there’s no need to shout’. Then he got someone else. Then someone else. I said ‘The bag isn’t draining properly.’ I still don’t kxow if is so i cough out as loud as i can. The trouble is that they have a vacuum cleaner right outside the door and can’t hear me. I’m going to die! I tell you.

Choking to death

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This is surely the end of the road for me. I cannot see anything other than death happening from here onwards. It’s been a long journey for me but i know when i’m beaten. First, they give me this body, then depression, then they gave me a stroke. Now they have given me vertigo. I can’t go on, even though i want to. I realise how difficult it is to have to deal with vertigo. Every decision i take has to be precise and calculated.

i don’t fear death. Just the opposite. It will rid me of this terrible disability. I just worry about Mandy and how she will cope. Every reader should take out life insurance. You never know what will happen so it’s best to prepsre yourself for every eventuality. If only someone had told me what was going to happen.
Please don’t let anyone have anything small to eat as they will choke to deatth on it. That is the opinion of an expert- me.

We never saw that coming

That was a blast. We never saw that coming. Me, Steve and Dave set off with different aspirations and whether we’ll meet them or not remains to be seen. There are three things i can say about myself that i never expected to happen. 1) i’m disabled 2) i have a beard 3) i’m married. Having a beard is really cool. Getting a beard is because i’m disabled. The marriage thing is because i’m.disabled as well. I forgot to say that i have vertigo as well. It’s a terrible condition that leaves you unable to do anything. A bit like like being disabled. So there we have it. Having a beard is something that I never thought would happen. I blame.the vertigo on the trogg who has played her music at full blast for fucking months on end. .

Resolutions

It’s January 2nd and it’s been nearly six years since i became disabled. I still remember it as though it was September. It probably will be very soon.
Funny thing is that although i’ve bought hundreds of shirts i haven’t got any left. Did i say funny? i only wish it was. I’ve learnt all there is to know about disability. It sucks. It makes you think though. There i was just hating myself, then i had depression. Then i had a stroke and i couldn’t walk. Give me strength. If God exists he must really hate me. More than i hate myself.

I just hope that the next time around the disabled are given as much respect in society as they are at the moment. If they are then my journey won’t have been a wasted one.