Silence should be a golden thing

So much of my time is spent on my own. I've gotten used to it so it doesn't really bother me that much. It's a way.of living that i feel i've adapted to. Having to listen to music that i haven't put on is not really my thing and i tend to avoid it as much as i can. Why people have to have noise on at all mystifies me. It's far better to be lost with your own thoughts than have your mind invaded with rubbish. It's the only criticism i have of the home. They haven't got anywhere you could call a 'quiet' room. There is noise everywhere. It's noise pollution. People listen to music all day. When they're not doing that the noise they make is smoking-related. They cough their guts up. As if we want to hear that!

Life is much better when you put away your fags and leave your coffee alone Forget about being addicted to noise and other stuff. Do something more constructive with your life. I'm probably whistling in the wind here by saying it and i realise that not everyone has the willpower you need to change the habits of a lifetime. That's what it boils down to really - willpower. You've either got it or you haven't.
Spending time on my own isn't something i've chosen to do. Far from it. It's something i've been forced to do. I remember, as a kid, saving a £50 week until i got to £1000. It was a long, hard struggle, but i did it because i was so determined to do it.

i still think about that now. When i was in Leamington i spent hours in the same seat without complaining. It shows you can get by when you really need to. I regularly used to bike to Frolesworth and back home (a distance of 15 miles) and think nothing of it. Making things hard for myself meant that a normal day was a stroll in the park.

willpower is a wonderful thing. So is determination to do something. Playing a song too loud is not really on in case you disturb others (me).
Some people ar just born lazy and that's just how the cookie crumbles.

My disability and me

I can't remember much before Leamington Spa. It was about an hours drive from Hinckley so i was lucky in that family could drop by when they wanted to. I spent nine months of my life there so i remember it pretty well. I kne i spent a lot of time in the same room as somebody who was comatose. If that wasn't bad enough, the next person i shared a room with was in a coma too. I might moan about the way i am, but those fellas and what they have to put up with is something else. The next nine months was uneventful as it turned out. You needed strength of character to get through it all though. There was no hiding from the boredom you had to face. Seeing my dad (a rock if ever there was one) and Mandy helped to make things a little more tolerable. I made friends with a few guys who were going through the same things as me. Staying away from Mandy was something i wasn't used to though. When i look back on it now i'm pretty amazed i went through it all.

Leamington was something i'll always remember even though it was somewhere i'd like to forget. I didn't ever think i'd ever see Hinckley again.
It was summertime because i got up ealy every morning and it was light. One of the cleaners slammed my food down so venomously i wondered what i had done wrong. It was my imagination working overtime. I was all wired up at that point and didn't have to eat because it was all done for me. Then Frances came along and gave me my first drink. It was Frances who took me to the opticians, so i could see properly for the first time in ages.
Fast forward it by four years and so much has happened that i wonder what will happen in the next four years. Whatever does happen, i'll be ready for it.

It's been an amazing adventure that has to end sometime. I'd like to turn it into a film, but nobody would ever believe it. I don't blame them either. I wouldn't.
I still think about Leamington. Like it or not it, was a big part of my life. I remember seeing Chris Farmer and thinking "my god, this is really happening." if it ever happens to you - don't fight it. Accept it. Only then will you see what i've gone through.

Other people have gone through worse things and survived. The thing i remember most about Leamington was staring out of the window from when it was light to when it was dark. And having a shower in the morning.. There was the weekend when i learnt how to use a wheelchair. That was a defining moment for me. I'll never forget it.