The blood test

This morning i had to go for a blood test at the health centre. It meant i had to have another injection. I didn’t even feel the pain as i had the prick. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but i’m not in the mood for joking about. There’s a lot you can tell from a blood sample and i’m at the age when you worry about what it can show. In my twenties i never used to bother like i do now. I suppose it’s down to age that i feel different about living.

i really wish i’d done things differently when i was younger. I wish someone could have advised me and shown me the route i should have taken. My grandad used to say “everything in moderation” and he was right. If only i had listened to him instead of being headstrong and thinking that everything i knew was right. Looking back, everything i knew turned out to be wrong. I suppose we all make mistakes. I’m just glad that mine weren’t such big ones. They could have been though.

The path i took was a very precarious one. It felt as though i’d jumped out of an aeroplane without a parachute on. If only i had a plan of action. Life was just one tragedy after another. I blame it all on depression. If only i had someone who would tell me where i was going wrong. I needed help but i never got it. My dad watched as i failed and failed. Not once did he tell me where i was going wrong. I needed him then. Helping your son is what it’s all about. At least it should be.

Back in Hinckley after being away for so long....

I've been in Hinckley since March 2014. It was late in March - I don't remember the exact date, but but it was about 11p pm at night, when i first got there. I was so hungry that i had a cheese sandwich when i arrived. I'd been waiting since 10 in the morning and i'd smoked several cigarettes as well. It had even looked as if i wouldn't be travelling. I was so excited to be leaving Leamington after all of those months. I was going back to the place i that grew up in. Where my family were.

The place i was to be living at was Kingly House. It was a place i'd delivered to years earlier when i was working at MJMorris, so it felt a bit strange going back there now. If i'd known years ago that i'd be living here in the future i wouldn't have believed it. There are lots of things about the future i wouldn't have believed.

The fact that i lived in a hospital in Leamington Spa for nine months, a place i had never been to, was something i could never have imagined.

Going to north Wales in an articulated truck was amazing for me. This was something new! Kingly House was to give me new adventures. All of them involved me and a lot of pain. I spent a week at Leicester hospital, suffering unimagineable hardship. That was the worst experience of my life so far. It was even worse than going back to Leicester with a gash to my forehead. It's a gash that's still there. Even now.

I don't doubt, for one minute, that there are people who have had worse experiences than me. There are a lot of people who have had it easier. It would be ineresting to see how other people would've coped with the situations i've been in and would they have reacted differently.
There will come a time when this is all a memory. In fact whether anyone will ever remember it is doubtful. We don't last forever. This will all be someone else's dream one day.