The blood test


This morning i had to go for a blood test at the health centre. It meant i had to have another injection. I didn’t even feel the pain as i had the prick. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but i’m not in the mood for joking about. There’s a lot you can tell from a blood sample and i’m at the age when you worry about what it can show. In my twenties i never used to bother like i do now. I suppose it’s down to age that i feel different about living.

i really wish i’d done things differently when i was younger. I wish someone could have advised me and shown me the route i should have taken. My grandad used to say “everything in moderation” and he was right. If only i had listened to him instead of being headstrong and thinking that everything i knew was right. Looking back, everything i knew turned out to be wrong. I suppose we all make mistakes. I’m just glad that mine weren’t such big ones. They could have been though.

The path i took was a very precarious one. It felt as though i’d jumped out of an aeroplane without a parachute on. If only i had a plan of action. Life was just one tragedy after another. I blame it all on depression. If only i had someone who would tell me where i was going wrong. I needed help but i never got it. My dad watched as i failed and failed. Not once did he tell me where i was going wrong. I needed him then. Helping your son is what it’s all about. At least it should be.

Comments

  1. I am so sorry. We do indeed all make mistakes. Depression is an insidious sucky beast and I am so very sorry that it has taken up residence with you.

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    1. Thanks EC, it’s like being dyslexic

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  2. My son seems to be making a few mistakes but I don't think I would be welcome to tell him so!
    I hope your blood test reveals only good things

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    1. Thanks Kylie. Your son probably needs your help.

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  3. I could write a book on the crazy things I've done, so I can relate. I worked hard to keep my son on the right path, but ultimately we make our own decisions, I think. I'm so sorry that you are going through the depression, and continue to send some healing hugs your way. Hugs...RO

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    1. RO, when you’re depressed, making mistakes is inevitable because your brain thinks differently.

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  4. It's hard to look back and see where things might have been done differently and it's too late now. Regrets. We all have them. Add depression to the mix and it is a heavy burden. I hope your blood test turns out all right, Terry.

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    1. Thanks Jenny, I need some good luck right now.

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  5. We all make mistakes...and will continue making them. Not one of us is perfect...and if anyone thinks they are, then they are mistaken. We've all done stupid things...and we've all done good things.

    We can't change the past...more often than not we can't change the present. either...and not one of us can predict the future. I, for one, sure as hell can't.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, Terry...you're human. What you have to deal with every minute of every day and night is pure shit. However, you have an indomitable spirit...it shows in every post, in every word you write...remember that you have.....

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    1. What you say makes sense, Lee. I just feel as though I should have done better.

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  6. Hindsight is truly 20/20. We all have regrets and we all make mistakes. Life's lessons. I hope your test turns out well!

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    1. Thanks Martha, I miss reading your blog.

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  7. I hope this is a good week for you Terry. I mean, under the circumstances, of course. I know it's been hellish lately. I think you need a break and a change of surroundings to give you a new perspective. Like a mini vacation away from that place.
    Good luck with the blood test results.
    Hugs, Julia

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    1. Hi Julia, thanks for posting here. You have real problems and you handle them so well. I hope everything is ok in Canada. I visit your blog regularly but you haven’t posted in a while. Best wishes. Thanks for your advice.

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    2. Sorry for not posting on my blog Terry but I've been dreadfully busy lately. I'm hoping to post as soon as I can find enough time when I'm not dead tired... By the time I'm done work in the evening, all I want to do is sit and watch a youtube video about people who have serious deformity or have serious physical problem while I sip on a glass of wine before I go to bed. I don't live a very exciting life but in comparaison to these people, i live a good life.
      I should be posting a few photos of my garden soon.

      Thanks for checking out my blog.
      Hugs, Julia

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  8. I hope your blood test turns out OK. I've been depressed when I was young and it was mostly luck that helped me get by. I'm on antidepressants now and that seems to help.

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    1. John, I suffered too. It’s a terrible condition to have.

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  9. Perhaps your father did not know what to say. Perhaps he subscribed to the notion that young people need to learn from their mistakes. Perhaps he saw a reflection of himself in you. I'm just saying.

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    1. If he didn’t know then I certainly didn’t. Maybe one day they’ll know more about it.

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