Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Getting tired...


I've been a stroke survivor since Feb 2013. And anybody, who has experienced it for as long as i have, will say how tired you'd be in a really short space of time. That's why i don't encourage anyone to stay longer than 15 minutes when they visit me. I could fall asleep at anytime and not realise i'm doing it. Since i've had the stroke it's happened on several occasions. You have to understand that you've changed and you're not the same person you were.

The hallucinations that follow are part of what happens when you have a stroke. You don't know what's real and what isn't. What's funny and what isn't. You actually laugh when it's not appropriate and are embarrassed that you did it. You have to say things such as "i can't help what i'm doing" and make people understand that it's not you that's doing it. Hallucinations are something you want to go away.

There's something that won't go away when you've had a stroke. You always feel like you've been in a fight with Mike Tyson. You wish you could lose that sense of grogginess you feel. You can understand what's going on around you, but you can't react to it. Not properly, anyway. It gets worse - if such a thing is possible.- you won't notice any deterioration in the short term, but you will in the long term.

Having anybody know what you're talking about is quite an achievement. Then there is the physical pain you have to put up with. At first, you'll think what pain? Then it hits you. You can't turn it off, as much as you'd like. It comes and it goes, but it's never far away.

22 comments:

  1. Illness and disability have a way of exposing what we are made of. You are upfront about your problems but not self pitying and your very sociable nature is shining through

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  2. I'm just trying to say what it's like to be disabled.

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  3. It must be very embarrassing that you can't control your behaviour properly and you come out with things that aren't quite appropriate. People should be better informed about the after-effects of a stroke and how someone's behaviour might change, so they understand if you say something odd. It only just occurs to me that my father's behaviour might have changed after his stroke. It may have explained his increasing bad temper, for instance.

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  4. It was very embarrassing. I mentioned it to someone at Leamington and said I needed help. Nothing. I remember laughing out of turn and I thought "what's going on here?"

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  5. I can't imagine how hard it is when you have to fight to be understood. So sorry you got stuck in such a situation with no help from "the powers that be".

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    1. There's no need for you to be sorry. It's not your fault, is it?

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  6. I have a personality disorder that gives me an inappropriate affect at times so I might laugh at a funeral or cry at birthday parties and there's nothing I can do about it. I also suffer from hallucinations so I can kind of understand that aspect of what you're going through. I'm sorry that anyone has to experience things like that.

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    1. That's terrible that you go through that. It's been a nightmare for me.

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  7. Its bad enough that a stroke causes so many physical problems without it also messing with your mind.
    Some days life just isn't fair.

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    1. I don't know what's real or not. That's the problem I have. I'll give you an example; I thought the nurse I saw was a Hollywood actress. I couldn't speak to her for 3 weeks. Ridiculous, I know. She looked at me seriously and convinced me she was a nurse.

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  8. What I like about your blog is that in addition to you sharing your journey with us, you're also educating people. That's really important. Learning helps us to be more understanding.

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    1. I can only share my journey with you and anybody who sees the blog. Maybe it'll be something that will serve some purpose in the future. I hope so.

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  9. Plowing Through Life said about what I was going to say. You are such a good teacher, Terry. There's no one other than one in the very situation you are in that can tell us just exactly how you feel with this stroke. We can Google it...listen to doctors explaining it...read books on it, but YOU are the one that is teaching us. I thank you for that.

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    1. Thank you bj. It's nice of you to say so. If I knew you were coming I'd have put the kettle on. Well, they can make the drinks better than I can. 😹

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  10. I thought I understood strokes fairly well after seeing my Dad's life after stroke but you have just taught me a whole new set of issues that can follow stroke ... and I thank you for that. I've been googling and reading about these and am amazed I never ran into them before. So, yes - keep writing, please!

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    1. There's a lot involved with having a stroke that only a victim can tell you.

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  11. My mother has had a small stroke and has hallucinations, but I'm not sure if they are connected to the stroke or the dementia, but whatever happened she's far worse in every way since the stroke (all though now they are wondering if it was a seizure).

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    1. Dementia sounds bad and I hope I don't get it. It affects the minds ability to function properly.

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  12. Anyone who cares for stroke patients should read this post as it gives a better idea of how strokes may affect people. Several other posts you have written would also help to boost carers' understanding.

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  13. It just explains how I, a stroke victim, would respond in a given situation.

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  14. My dad died 4 years ago. For about 5 years prior to his death he changed. He had always been so sweet and loving and generous. Then slowly he started being mean and petty and negative. It was so difficult to talk to him, to hang out with him. I made the effort, but I would tell my siblings that the dad we've known is dead now, there's just this stranger walking around in his body. I didn't know what changed my dad. It could have been old age, beginning of dementia, a reaction to medications he was taking. I didn't know. I was ignorant.

    My mom now is showing some of these symptoms, she's very short tempered and negative. She gets angry easily if we disagree with her or if we try to remind her that something she remembers didn't happen that way. The difference is that now I DO KNOW. I may not know what causes this change, but I do know that she's not just mean and crazy. It makes it easier to deal with her. I can remind myself of things my dad did and I can adjust myself.

    People may not always understand when you laugh or cry when you shouldn't, but you are teaching them. You are educating the people who read your blog and the people you deal with in real life. Don't feel embarrassed when you do so, we're just ignorant to what it means to have a stroke and to continue living life as the victim of a stroke. Continue on educating people. Someday in the future maybe one of us will be more tolerant because we will remember what you wrote.

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    1. A good comment Alicia. I recognise most of the symptoms you mentioned because I suffer from them too. I have laughed when I shouldn't have. It was embarrassing, and though I was full of apologies, saying "sorry" wasn't really good enough. My mood has changed for the worse and I feel depressed all of the time.

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