There are quite a lot of people who find themselves hospitalised and there are those who just wish they weren’t. Hospital is not usually a very nice place to find yourself in and my sympathies go out to whoever ends up there. I spent nine months at Leamington Spa hospital and even had to spend a Christmas Day there. I know what it’s like to spend time just staring into space and wishing you were somewhere else. One minute you’re walking home without a care in the world, and the next minute your whole world has suddenly been turned upside down. There’s nothing you can do about it either. In my case, my whole life was over. Well, that’s what i thought.
It took me a long time before i could accept what had happened. In the scheme of things i decided to get on with it. Not everybody has a stroke and not everybody has one like mine. Of course, there who are people who are worse off than me. There just has to be.
As i’ve already said, hospitals aren’t the best places to wake up in. They give me the creeps. Having a stroke means you have the weirdest of dreams. I can’t really describe them, but think about LSD and you’re not far off. The time i spent in hospital wasn’t the best. You fall asleep and then you wake
Up. Repeat that about three times. You feel forever giddy. Well, i did. Other people probably feel different. Anybody can survive a stroke but living with one for five years changes your whole outlook on life though. I wouldn’t like to do it again but it looks as if i don’t have a choice.
My experience at Leamington was made better by the nursing staff. While most of them are nothing but pleasant memories that have faded away, Niki and Noncee were something else. They didn’t ask to be, but being stuck inside a place for so long makes you cling on to something and you forget the situation you’ve been put in.
Although i’d hate to go through it all again, it changed me completely and i can’t forget that. A part of me will be eternally grateful. I feel that this is a ‘scrooge’ moment.
For others it may not be such a momentous occasion. It will definitely change their lives though and that they can’t ever deny.
I’ve made many mistakes and wish i could put them right but it’s no good wishing for something that will never happen.
i’m sure that most people could’ve handled whatever i had to. I am nothing special. I can assure you of that. Others will make what i’ve done look like a walk in the park. I can still remember what it was like to walk. When my right hand was as good as my left and when i could turn my head without feeling giddy.
I can remember collapsing in a heap and waking up in a hospital bed....
With a stroke, life does change in an instant. My dad's did. One day he was walking, gardening, having coffee with his friends, making his own meals and puttering around the yard. The next he was in a hospital bed and he never recovered the use of his arm or leg and he never saw the inside of his home again. So much of what you say is familiar to me, not because I've lived it but because I watched from my father's side as he lived it.
ReplyDeleteI think we handle things because there is no choice. But accepting and carrying that burden is hard work indeed. My heart goes out to you - and my hat is off to you.
Thanks Jenny, my whole life changed that day but I used it to my advantage rather than let it get the better of me. A lot of things have chnged in my life and i’ve made them happen so i’m pleased about that.
DeleteHi Terry, thanks for sharing that. It's scary to me. I avoid hospitals like the plague. I hope and hope that I will never end up in one ever again. You say you're nothing special, but you are. Those whose lives have changed because of an illness or disease or accident...we are special people because we see that life will go on despite the challenge and we face it as best we can, knowing that it IS possible to live a happy life if we can manage the disability and accept it. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Rain, Many years from now people will be lying on a hospital trolley wondering what hit them. My story goes to to show how they CAN treat it if they can. I’ve just woken up and am ready for bed. Today is day 17 without sugar. The only reason I say that is to give myself a congratulatory pat on the back. The smallest things seem to matter a heck of a lot more than they used to.
DeleteI wonder what the staff at Leamington would feel to see you and talk with you now - five years after you departed their initial care. I suspect that they would be proud to know that they were the first ones to help you on your post-stroke journey.
ReplyDeleteHi YP, i stay in touch with Niki. She was there when I cried because I realised that I wouldn’t walk again. You would have liked her mate. She was my favourite.
DeleteHow lovely that you acknowledge the nursing staff. Some of them really do leave an impression on us. I remember one particular nurse when my dad was in the hospital before he died. She would gently redo his bandages and take his vitals, and so on, all the while talking gently to him. It really touched my heart to see how special she made her patients feel. Thank you for sharing these posts. You are pretty special, too :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Martha, it’s a nice post. The nurses made the difference. I remember one, called Rochelle, just hugging me for no reason.
DeleteWow, you've done a lot of healing in 5 years and congratulations on having gone without sugar for 17 days. That is quite an accomplishment on both counts.
ReplyDeleteI for one have been to the hospital so many times that I have forgotten. I've been under the knife so many times that I'm not scared of what they do to me but I worry about those super bugs..
I think you are pretty special to have made a great lemonade with the lemons you were given. Hooray for you.
Hugs, Julia
Thanks Julia, i’m not scared of anything they do to me anymore- I’ve gone past caring. There are far more important things to worry about.
DeleteYes, you are right.
DeleteJulia
Thanks. That means a lot x
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