Dark days ahead....
There’s nothing that can stop me feeling this way. The last thing you want to do is to see my sorry face staring back at you. I don’t need the company right now so please don’t be offended if i leave you to it. Then she says “okay, if you insist” Well i DO insist. There’s absolutely nothing you can say to make me change my mind right now. I know there’s something wrong with me. I just don’t know how to fix it. Finding the solution to life’s little problems is not what i’m about. If only it was as simple as that.
i turn to look to where she is. “Hi.” She says. “Hi, are you still here..?” I reply, sarcastically and lost in thought. My right hand holds open the door whilst my left foot gently nudges her outside. “Good night” i whisper, and out she goes. Beads of sweat trickle down my forehead and i get no satisfaction from giving her the heave ho. She isn’t the problem. I am. I’ve always admitted it. I can’t be doing with somebody else’s baggage when i already have enough of my own to deal with.
I take a look in the mirror and i’m not pleased with what i see. Too many years of fighting lost causes are etched into that face. Too many for my liking. I don’t like what i see. The endless hours of struggle have left me feeling that life is something a younger person can deal with better than i can. They’re supposed to be in love but how can they know what love is? I wipe my face with the towel on the draining board. I didn’t want any children in case it was passed on to them. This curse that i have.
It didn’t do me much good though. I didn’t see it coming. If only i had i could have done something about it then. There’s always something happening. Something which you can’t control, but wish you could. Maybe i should have married someone just like me. But relationships don’t always happen like that do they? My experience with meeting women has been influenced by my mood and usually ends up over before its begun.