Anthony is my cousin. I’ve written to him every month for a year. He’s in prison and cannot write as often as i can. I don’t know if he even reads the letters i write to him, i just assume that he does.
i write about anything that comes into my head. There’s plenty of stuff there, then.
it’s quite a frightening place to be. it scares the shit out of me sometimes and It’s not something i’m proud of.
it all started when i was quite young and has been with me ever since. I don’t crave death but i don’t see the point of living, either.
i don’t know how many people are affected by it; i don’t care. Every now and then the person you least expect to will take his (or her) own life. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It just happens. Another statistic that no-one will ever know about. I was once stuck in a hospital closet shouting for help that never came. I sent my wife a text to let her know i needed help. Without the phone i’d probably still be there now. What was left of me. I was disabled and really thought that this was the end! Being able to choose how you go is very important too.
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When you feel that being here is the worst thing you’ve ever done and that people would be better off without you can be how it starts. Once you begin to feel like that, there is nothing you can do to justify living. Life goes on but you live it out in slow motion. Your life needs a reason to live and getting a pet dog gives you all the reason you need. Don’t ever understimate the role a relationship between a pet and its owner. Even though they speak a different language, they have a strong bond together. As Shakespeare once said: “there are more things in Heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
A man, or woman, that doesn’t have thoughts of self-destruction at any given time is a lucky man/woman and I’d gladly swap places with him/her. My disability hinders me somewhat but there’s always a way. I just haven’t found it yet. Or maybe i have.
