If I can do this I can do anything

I’ve never believed in fairytales, until it happened to me, that is. I wouldn’t call it a fairytale. It’k more like a nightmare.
How can can an organisation so morally corrupt as SALT is, take my rights away and say i have no mental capacity to claim them back?
Today is the 90th day since i’ve had sugar. I HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY!
it’s been a year since i’ve smoked. i HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY!
i’m a vegetarian. I HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY! I must be atree hugger.
I’m not a vegetarian - i’m a vegetable. They HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY!
i really feel, at this moment, that life isn’t worth living.
if it gets much worse i will do something about it.

This week i felt as if my whole world came
crashing down around me.
it wasn’t a good feeling to have, believe me.
i decided there and then that i would eat everything put in front of me. I didn’t care what it tasted like.
that’s my new ambition in life. I said to Chloe (a carer) “if i can do this, i can do anything.” I needed that. It focuses my mind on something more positive and i know i can achieve it. It’s a-one-day-at-a-time thought process. I’m definitely up for the challenge. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

it will start off as one day but it will soon be more and more as days go by.
You should try it if you’re up for it. I’ll even eat swede, beetroot and cauliflower if i have to. I just don’t care.
My situation has worsened in that i find it hard to talk. I spend a lot of time sleeping too. Sometimes it’s all day even. So, i’ve had some bad news but have made it more positive. I have to stay positive. It’s what i do. The staff here have been brilliant. Maria, the cook, made me the most beautiful chili today. I just live day by day as anybody would.

it feels quite strange to wake up everyday and live out the life of someone who is disabled. I’ve never imagined what it would be like. I think i must have the first signs of dementia because i forget things now that i used to remember easily. i haven’t blogged for a while but i’ve been so unwell. So unwell that they are sending a doctor to see me. There’s nothing i can do about it. One of my fellow residents, who was younger than me, died recently. It shocked me and put the fear of God into me. If anything ever happened to Mandy and Jonny i’d have nothing left to live for. I often think i’m a special case and i don’t mean that in a good way. Anything that could go wrong - has. I should have ended it all when i was 10 i didn’t have the guts back then. Now i do.


  1. I am so very sorry to read this. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.

  2. I hope the doctor can give you a diagnosis or an explanation that will help, Terry. I'm sorry you are having a crappy time. Has the SALT enquiry been decided, then? Was "no mental capacity" their decision? Do they know that you write a blog that shows you definitely do have a well-working brain? Can this doctor they are sending to you speak up to SALT on your behalf? I'm hoping you get some answers and soon. Hang in there, my friend.

    1. The doctor they sent was the killer blow. He couldn’t get around the fact that I couldn’t talk properly.

    2. Can your wife get a different doctor to come in? I am flabbergasted that they equate mental capacity with speaking ability. I would be furious if I were you -- or your wife.

  3. I hope that they send the right people to help you. Even if you're having difficulty talking at the moment, I don't see anything wrong with your capacity to express your thoughts on the computer. We all have our moments when our world comes crashing down around us. It's never a good thing to go through.
    It must be absolutely frustrating. You are right about focusing on one day at a time. I think it's the best anyone can do in such circumstances as yours.
    Hang in there. We care.
    Hugs, Julia

  4. Some of your recent posts have been pretty upbeat Terry. I am distressed to find you in your present state of mind. Just hang on in there man. You are much braver than most people could possibly have been in your situation. Imagine the Hull City crowd chanting... "ONE TERRY STYNES! THERE'S ONLY ONE TERRY STYNES! ONE TERRY STYNES! THERE'S ONLY ONE TERRY STYNES!"...or if you prefer it could be the Hinckley United crowd... like a barbershop quartet.

  5. Oh, Terry! To hell with it! Eat what you like! Don't begrudge yourself of anything that you like and/or takes your fancy.

    And, you know what...sometimes there's nothing worth talking about, anyway....and lots of times there is no one worth talking to!

    I know there are lots of folk who are only interested in hearing their voices and won't listen to others...preferring to talk over them...and finish off the story even when they didn't play a role in it! When that occurs to me...I just shut up and let them talk their heads off...making a total idiot of their own self! I run into a few of the above often! :) I guess that's why I keep pretty much to myself, and my two furry rascals. The latter and I converse enough, anyway! :)

    Take good care, my friend. Keep your chin up. Remember, you are not alone in your battle...and you do have all of us here in your blogging world who care.

  6. Thanks for your comment on my blog, Terry. I'm glad it made you smile. lol. It makes my husband smile too and shake his head. haha. Sometimes when he wants someone attention, He'll introduce me as "This is my wife and she a hooker", and I have to explain, "a rug hooker".

  7. I'm so sorry to hear how awful you've been feeling. Sending you lots of Canadian hugs (the best kind). We are all here for you!


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