Thursday, August 17, 2017

The elephant man is back in town...

I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window the other day and thought is that really me? I'm not surprised people get so embarressed with what they see. They're just glad it's not them and i can't really blame anybody for feeling that way. I don't really have the inclination to be concerned by how things have turned out though. I've been through far worse situations than this that give me nightmares. One day, when i have time, i'll tell you about them, but i doubt that you'd want to listen.

I truly know how the elephant man must've felt. To be stared at as if you were a wild animal takes some getting used to. It's not a great feeling if the truth be known and i wonder how much my smoking or if something else has contributed to this dilemma? The stark reality is that nothing will ever be the same again. In fact, it's getting worse. It's something i've noticed about myself. Over a period of time the changes are more noticeable and more significant.

I knew, from the age of 30, that something wasn't quite right. I hadn't met Mandy yet and thought that whatever was wrong with me would end there.
i didn't want to carry the depression i was feeling, into another generation. When i met Mandy she told me she couldn't have kids, which is what i wanted to hear. How wrong was Mandy? Very wrong is the answer.

We seemed to gel together and the months became years. I just hope that Jonny doesn't become a dad, but who am i to say that? It's his life to do with as he wants. I will try to help him out as best as i can, but i can't live his life for him. if only i could. The trouble is, i'm not the best decison-maker there is Far from it.

22 comments:

  1. I have never met your son Jonny but I hope he is a father one day. Surely your son brought so much joy into the lives of both yourself and Mandy. Why shouldn't Jonny know similar joy?

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  2. I tried not to have a son (or daughter, for that matter) because I didn't want to pass on any genes.

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  3. In your photo you appear to be very normal and I don't see any resemblance to the deformities of the elephant man. I have seen some severe cases on -line of people with severe deformities or abnormalities. You don't name your kind of abnormalities in your genes that would cause you to be afraid of passing your defective genes to your son.

    Everyone has the right to have a chance at life. I know some have unbearable sufferings because of rare skin conditions or color, but they are usually strong and positive, but there are some cases that are desperate.

    Frankly, I'm not sure what to say on this subject because it so out of the ordinary for me. I have no idea of how your face look today but your feelings soon will appear be etched in your face. Negative and grumpy people have a grumpy look, and no one wants to be around them. Happy, positive people usually have a happy look, no matter if they are beautiful or just plain, it's a joy to be around them even if they have a handicap of some sort or other. Sad people look sad and down trodden, they are easy to spot. People have difficulty cheering them up because they seem to want to stay in their depressed sadness, it feels more familiar to them for some reason. There are many other types of people and together we make up the human race.

    Gandhi said " BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD."

    HUGS, Julia

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    1. Julia, I refer to myself as the 'elephant man because that's the way I feel.

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    2. Treey, I haven't walked in your shoes so I don't know how you feel so maybe I should keep my thoughts to myself.
      Hugs, Julia

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    3. Julia, I haven't walked in them myself for nearly five years.
      Your thoughts are very welcome.🙂

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  4. Hi, Terry...thank you for coming by and always letting me know you've been there.
    None of us should ever,EVER, judge anyone...for any reason...I know you have a lot to be sad about and you also have the right to BE sad. I am pretty sad right now after losing my husband in July...I cry when I feel like it...and I guess I am feeling sorry for myself because I miss him so...I know he is in a much better place..not sick..and I am so thankful for that.
    I have no idea what your illness entails but just from your words here and there, I know you have a kind heart and that's what matters.

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    1. Hi bj, I'm so glad to see you getting out and about. My illness means I am confined to a wheelchair and cannot speak very well. It's hard, but I cope.the best that I can.

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  5. People can be so judgmental and it's sad that people judge what they see before they get to know the person.

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    1. My thoughts exactly Mary. That's why I try and avoid all human contact where possible. It's very sad.

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  6. I don't like looking at myself and indeed try not to. Just the same I am more than my appearance. As you are. As we all are.

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    1. Not being able to walk has had quite an impact and I can't deny it.

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  7. I hope you stay emotionally close to your son and family.
    You all need each other.

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    1. Hi John, thanks for commenting. We are very close. As far as John and Mandy are concerned I'm the same person I ever was. I'm lucky to have people like that in my life.

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  8. We are all souls having a body experience. When I put blogs on my blog list, it's because I feel I have a lot to learn from the writer of the blog and I don't want to miss a post. Your blog is right up there for me Treey. I appreciate when you share your life experiences and feelings with us. Up or down, grumpy or sad, you always come across as an authentic person. You've inspired me to let down my guard a little and show old pictures of who I once was even though it was long ago.

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    1. Thanks sugar, I loved the pictures you put up of yourself. There's a great story there.

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  9. Whatever you share on your blog, I'm happy to read. I find you to be a very interesting person. People can judge quite harshly. But sometimes it's more out of fear for something they don't understand. Or something they worry will happen to them.

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    1. Hello Martha, you're a very interesting person too. Anybody with a site as good as Miniaturopolis is must be a different thinker than us mere mortals are. I'm glad I found it.

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  10. Ignorance and rudeness are widespread.. And,, unfortunately. both appear to be increasing by the day.

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    1. The worst examples of ignorance and rudeness I get Lee, come from the residents themselves. Everybody else I never bother about.i'm used to it.

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    2. I would feel conspicuous too, Terry, but I also keep realizing that people don't look at us (whether or not we're in a wheelchair) nearly as much as we think they do. That probably doesn't help, though.

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    3. Oops - meant that as a new comment - sorry!

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