The London Marathon....

yesterday was the London marathon. 40,000 runners were in competition on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year. The queen started the race from Windsor and people were made to be aware of the heat situation they faced. Despite that, Mo Farrah finished the race in third position. I’m not sure why he was running although he probably thought he could win it. Maybe he has some other explanation. I’ve got a mental image of him knocking on people’s doors and asking for their sponsorship. It’s a great image to have but i doubt there’s any truth in it.

i’m sure there’s a great sense of cameraderie among the masses of people who ran yesterday. They were running for reasons best known to themselves but only a fool would doubt their commitment. It’s something very personal and you have to admire them for that. To run in this weather saps the energy but takes real determination. Anything i’ve ever accomplished in my lifetime can only pale into insignification when i see how much they push themselves. The pain they go through is immense.
It’s always the feet that take the most punishment. They always do. I still remember even though it’s been a long time. You never forget. It’s like riding a bike.

Every runner wishes they were as good as Mo Farrah. We can all dream though. The important thing is to make a difference in the life of people. Sue Thould and her family have done it this weekend without even knowing they’ve done it. Even though i can’t walk i wish i could because i’d like to try the London marathon next year. It’d be hard. Nothing is worth having unless you have to earn it. I’m sure i could give that Farrah chap a run for his money.

My disability prevents me from competing but i’d have to be at the top of my game to run in that heat. That and a lot of training should do the trick. I’ve run to Nuneaton and back home again which is about 10 miles. That run was at night. No heatwave there then. I just need an alsation to chase me. All 26 miles. Thank goodness for the Sues of this world. What would we do without them to inspire us?

The 1970s and all that, man...

The biggest stars of the 70s were

Elvis Presley (Parsley if you’re vegetarian)

The Monkees...

and Batman.

Many of you won’t remember the 1970s so i thought i’d give you my take of it. Don’t worry - it won’t take long and then you can get back to what you were doing before i wandered into your life. Here goes. The 1970s began with the end of The Beatles. It was the year they called it quits. But who were they? I’d never heard of them. The biggest stars in the world were: Elvis Presley (who would die in 1977. It was a huge shock to the world of entertainment when it happened), The Monkees and Batman.
In television, Engand and the rest of the United Kingdom had two channels to choose from. You either had BBC1 or itv. I don’t know about the rest of the world but England and the UK had The Double Deckers Show. It was a ground breaker of a programme which appealed to the mass of kids out there, like me, who wanted something that was chirpy and cheerful to watch and turned the 70s into something more special than the 60s had been.

There really was an Elvis Parsley, a boxer, but he must have hated being called by that name. Either his dad had a great sense of humour or he hated the fact that his girlfriend got pregnant.

(Above -The double deckers’ opening credits)

My Journey....

I remember the day,in 2014, that Robin Williams took his own life. I’ve struggled to live with how he felt on that day, for many years. You can’t explain it to anyone because they wouldn’t understand it.
You just feel like the most useless person in the world. You can’t make decisions or do anything.
i was 14 and alone in the house when it first happened to me. I didn’t know what was happening but i sank to my knees and started crying. Afterwards, i just ‘pulled myself together’ and walked to the library in town. I didn’t know what depression was. It has taken over my life since then and i don’t think i’ll ever get rid of it.

From then till now it’s been an incredible journey. Sometimes i feel as though i am part of an experiment. That can’t be true. Being disabled was never part of the plan. I should have killed myself when i was 10. It would have saved everything that was to follow. I thought about it. That’s all it was. Thought. I never had the strength to act on my convictions. I just needed the push to be able to do it. Robin Williams had the push. Depression made me a wimp, it took everything away from me.
Long distance running became my salvation. I wanted to be like Forrest Gump. it made the voices in my head go away for a little while.

Growing up was hard. I kept everything a secret. My depression was bottled up and that wasn’t the best thing to do. i needed support from someone who had been there before me. Someone who knew what i was going through. But no-one was around to guide me. I often look back on those days and wonder how i ever managed to survive. The pressure on me was unbelievable. I fully understood how and why Robin Williams did what he did. I’ll never stop feeling that way and i know it’ll take very little effort to have me wanting to end it all. Some people can’t understand that logic. Logic doesn’t come into it at all. I’m not the only one to feel that way although you may think that i am. I thought i was the only one too.

I could take my life at any moment. I’ve always felt like that. I never made any plans because i didn’t think it was necessary. I would be okay in the morning and feel completely different about things by the afternoon. That’s how it was. I had no reason to question it. I never thought about my future. As far as i was concerned i didn’t have one. I’ve always felt like that and i always will. Mine is a doom and gloom philosophy and always will be. Don’t ever try to change me because you’d be wasting your time. I say that, but nowadays i have Mandy and Jon to think about.

Today is..

April 17th Day 93 ofno sugar and day 2 of no SALT.

Salt is a four letter word

I can understand how some people can just give up and say ‘enough is enough’. Life is something you’re either good at or you’re not. You gave it your best shot and you failed..Big deal. Being disabled really sucks. It’s time you had a change. For five years i’ve had SALT decide what i have to eat. No more. They USED to exist, but now they don’t.i refuse to accept their existance and will not eat anything while they are in charge. It will probably kill me but i’m prepared to die for what is right.

Today is day 92 of no-sugar day and day 1 of no SALT day. No salt day is not a bargaining tool that i intend to use to my advantage. I am fully aware of what i an doing. I have had enough of SALT and what they stand for. No longer are they going to control my life.

If I can do this I can do anything

I’ve never believed in fairytales, until it happened to me, that is. I wouldn’t call it a fairytale. It’k more like a nightmare.
How can can an organisation so morally corrupt as SALT is, take my rights away and say i have no mental capacity to claim them back?
Today is the 90th day since i’ve had sugar. I HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY!
it’s been a year since i’ve smoked. i HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY!
i’m a vegetarian. I HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY! I must be atree hugger.
I’m not a vegetarian - i’m a vegetable. They HAVE NO MENTAL CAPACITY!
i really feel, at this moment, that life isn’t worth living.
if it gets much worse i will do something about it.

This week i felt as if my whole world came
crashing down around me.
it wasn’t a good feeling to have, believe me.
i decided there and then that i would eat everything put in front of me. I didn’t care what it tasted like.
that’s my new ambition in life. I said to Chloe (a carer) “if i can do this, i can do anything.” I needed that. It focuses my mind on something more positive and i know i can achieve it. It’s a-one-day-at-a-time thought process. I’m definitely up for the challenge. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

it will start off as one day but it will soon be more and more as days go by.
You should try it if you’re up for it. I’ll even eat swede, beetroot and cauliflower if i have to. I just don’t care.
My situation has worsened in that i find it hard to talk. I spend a lot of time sleeping too. Sometimes it’s all day even. So, i’ve had some bad news but have made it more positive. I have to stay positive. It’s what i do. The staff here have been brilliant. Maria, the cook, made me the most beautiful chili today. I just live day by day as anybody would.

it feels quite strange to wake up everyday and live out the life of someone who is disabled. I’ve never imagined what it would be like. I think i must have the first signs of dementia because i forget things now that i used to remember easily. i haven’t blogged for a while but i’ve been so unwell. So unwell that they are sending a doctor to see me. There’s nothing i can do about it. One of my fellow residents, who was younger than me, died recently. It shocked me and put the fear of God into me. If anything ever happened to Mandy and Jonny i’d have nothing left to live for. I often think i’m a special case and i don’t mean that in a good way. Anything that could go wrong - has. I should have ended it all when i was 10 i didn’t have the guts back then. Now i do.

Ways to improve your photography....

Pictures of The Midbeats, mostly...

The Midbeats’ Jake and Ben being told, by the director, what he wants to see from them in their upcoming video shoot. No pressure lads...

Jake in action at the video shoot...

A snooker player. We asked if he would mind....

I’ve known him for 37 years. You couldn’t meet a nicer bloke than Chris...

Mandy’s brother is one of the best novelists i’ve ever read. Here he is at Gavin’s wedding before he headed off home to where he lives, in London....

The Midbeats....

Doing things differently...

To smile about something when you know there’s no chance that you’ll ever get better is what i have to face doing right now, i don’t know how long i’ve got left. It could be long and drawn out like that Stephen Hawking’s life was. It could be tomorrow. I just don’t know but find it hard to feel sorry for myself. I don’t. I’ll have to wait for the film about my life to come out like you ordinary people do, darling. They haven’t made a film? The bastards! Doing something different and out of the otdinary is what i live for these days. I even had a meal which consisted of mashed potatoes, leeks and carrots. Six months ago it was a food hell, but these days it’s not. If i could find a dye which turned my hair bright green, i’d dye it. Hell, i’ve grown a beard because i can so why not dye it?

Today is my 72nd day without sugar, You might think that’s impressive but wait till i get to 100 days. I dont want to brag about my exploits so don’t get the wrong idea about me. Your wife might think ‘what a twat’ if you grew your hair long and dyed it bright green. I might think that like that too when i’d finished laughing. Don’t care about what others say. I never do. Growing a beard was a big thing for me because i’d never grown one before. I should have had one years ago because it made me willing to try anything that doesn’t conform. That’s not a bad way to be. It took having a stroke for me to realise that. Welcome to the’Forrest Gump’way of doing things.

it’s okay for me to talk like that but not you. Fair point. There will always be people who like to do things differently though. ‘Being different’ is something that helped Donald Trump become President of the USA. People liked what he had to say. John Lennon had some weird hairstyles but it never affected his popularity. Perhaps some of the things he said did though.
What made me so different was the fact that i was stared at continuously. I decided there and then that i wouldn’t let it get me down. So, it didn’t. I liken it to wearing a pair of underpants in public. If you can do that you can do anything.

Don’t wear underpants in public because you will be arrested and put on the sex offenders list. And rightly so. You took notice of somebody who had a stroke? Are you mad?
Just ignore us like everyone else does. Everybody with a disability is ignored up to a point. That’s just the way life is. I.used to ignore them myself when i was able-bodied. What does that make me?
Ignore me by all means, but live life differently. Following the norm will get you nowhere. Whatever you do.
You’ll recognise me when i’m out. I’m the dude with the short, bright green hair who’s driving a wheelchair that holds a banner. It says “i’d fuck off out of the way if i was you!”

Being a nosy Parker pays off sometimes...

This is a picture of Ben. I caught him completely unaware that he was being photographed which was kind of nice. If only looks could kill...

This is Sophia. She’s a singer with a band called Funk Odyssey. She phoned me up and said she’d be interested in buying any pictures i took of the band. I said ok. This is one of them.

This is my mate Tom helping to erect a marquee. If you drove a car to Sheffield in an hour he’d swear he could do it in half an hour. That’s the kind of guy he is. I asked the boss if i could photograph the crew in action and i’d do him a dvd if he said yes. This is one of the photos i got. Tom pulled a face for my benefit. Either that or he needed to go to the toilet real bad.

The best man at Gavin’s wedding. Gavin is my brother-in-law. Nobody said “why are you taking photographs for?” I didn’t care. All of my weddings were documentaries i’d tell them if they DID ask.

Various Images

Luke Richards goes on a run.

A cup final being contested...

The tough of the track...

Chris and Charlotte before they were married...

Hinckley United in fa cup action...

The day that Michael Jackson died...

Father and son muck about...